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ford vs chevy joke

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Some say...on a quiet night, you can hear a ford rust

 

BUT I SAY...it doesnt have to be quiet to hear a chevy rust HAHAHAHA

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Every vehicle manufacturer makes a lemon once in a while. Most call them lemons General Motors likes to refer to them as CHEVROLET :lol:

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Hey did someone spark up the chevy jokes again? Here I have some ammo;

 

Chevrolet

 

-Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

 

-Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Run On Luck Every Time

 

-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

 

-Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

 

"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."

 

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?

 

A. Push it off a cliff.

 

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?

 

A. The bus schedule.

 

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my

 

Chevy"?

 

A. Sounds like a fair trade.

 

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?

 

A. A miracle?

 

Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?

 

A. A mirage.

 

Q. How do you double the value of a Chevy?

 

A. Fill up the gas tank.

 

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?

 

A. Customized.

 

Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?

 

A. Turn the engine off.

 

Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?

 

A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

 

Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?

 

A. Shock absorbers.

 

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?

 

A. Park it between two Fords

 

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

 

CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.

 

CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

 

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.

 

CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed

 

CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

 

GMC= Garage Man's Companion

 

GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming

 

GMC= Gay Mans Chariot

 

GM= General Mistake

 

GM= Glued Metal

 

IROC= I Run On Credit

 

IROC= I'm a retard out cruising

 

IROC= Idiotic retard Out Cruising

 

IROC= I'd Rather Own a Corvette

 

IROC= I reek of cologne

 

IROC= I really own crap

 

Z28= Zippy 2.8 Liter

 

SS= Super Slow

 

RS - Really Slow

 

CORVETTE= Completely Over-Rated, Very Expensive, Technically Troubled Engine.

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Hey did someone spark up the chevy jokes again? Here I have some ammo;

 

Chevrolet

 

-Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

 

-Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Run On Luck Every Time

 

-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

 

-Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

 

"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."

 

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?

 

A. Push it off a cliff.

 

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?

 

A. The bus schedule.

 

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my

 

Chevy"?

 

A. Sounds like a fair trade.

 

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?

 

A. A miracle?

 

Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?

 

A. A mirage.

 

Q. How do you double the value of a Chevy?

 

A. Fill up the gas tank.

 

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?

 

A. Customized.

 

Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?

 

A. Turn the engine off.

 

Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?

 

A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

 

Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?

 

A. Shock absorbers.

 

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?

 

A. Park it between two Fords

 

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

 

CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.

 

CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

 

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.

 

CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed

 

CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

 

GMC= Garage Man's Companion

 

GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming

 

GMC= Gay Mans Chariot

 

GM= General Mistake

 

GM= Glued Metal

 

IROC= I Run On Credit

 

IROC= I'm a retard out cruising

 

IROC= Idiotic retard Out Cruising

 

IROC= I'd Rather Own a Corvette

 

IROC= I reek of cologne

 

IROC= I really own crap

 

Z28= Zippy 2.8 Liter

 

SS= Super Slow

 

RS - Really Slow

 

CORVETTE= Completely Over-Rated, Very Expensive, Technically Troubled Engine.

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Those are excellent quotes Yardape. I'll have to remember some of them for the Chevy lovers at work. That should really make their day!

 

One more...

 

CHEVROLET:

 

Can't handle even very rough or little easy terrain

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LONGER POEMS AND JOKES

* Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.

At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."

So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"

So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.

1. There's too much front end protrusion

2. It chatters at high speeds

3. The rear end wobbles too much

4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."

"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.

He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".

 

* A man pulls up next to a girl walking home from school and said: "If you get in, I'll give you a Lollypop."

The girl kept on walking and the man said: "If you get in I'll give you two Lollypops."

The girl kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued walking. The man said: "Get in and I'll give you a whole bag of Lollypops."

Finally, the girl turned and said: "Look Dad, You bought the FORD, You ride in it!!!"

 

* Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12th FORD announced a recall on it's Expeditions and F-Series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to fall off.

It just keeps getting better!

 

* A Texan man was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with, and how much land he owned.

A young man growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan; "Just how much land do you own?"

The Texan tipped back he's Cowboy hat and said to the young man: "Well sunny let me put it to you like this, I can get into my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch, and still not get to the other side of my property by sunset."

The young man shot back quickly: "Oh ye, I know what you mean. I used to own a FORD truck too!"

 

* I was driving my Ford truck down the road

When I realised it was gonna explode

The Ford motor blew up in my face

So I put a Chevy motor in it's place

I drove that truck until the body pannels rusted away

But that old Chevy motor still runs to this day.

 

* Here I sit broken hearted

Wishing that my Ford would have started

But it didn't, so that's a rap

So I think I'll shoot that piece of crap.

 

* Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

If it wasn't for Fords

Our tools would rust.

 

* Buy a Ford

Buy the best

Drive a mile

Walk the rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FORD ONE-LINERS

"Have you out-driven a Ford lately?"

 

"I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford."

 

"Friends don't let friends drive Fords."

 

"I'd rather push a BMW then drive a Ford."

 

"Ford Escort me to a Toyota dealer."

 

"Speed kills. Drive a Ford and live forever!" "That's not a leak. My Ford's just marking it's territory."

 

"You might own a FORD if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport."

 

Jannie: "My parents just bought me a new Ford Icon."

Koosie: "So what did you do to p.ss them off?"

 

"Next time somebody tells you that Ford means First On Race Day, remind them that anything would be fast if it required mechanics to work on it all week long just to run one good race time."

 

Q. What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office?

? A. It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

 

Q. What goes on pages 4-5 of the Ford's user's manual?

A. The train & bus schedule.

 

Q. What do you call a Ford at the top of a Hill?

A. A Miracle.

 

Q. What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill?

A. A mirage.

 

Q. What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts?

A. A wheelbarrow

 

Q. Why do Ford call their new Focus and Mondeo the ST170 and ST220 respectively?

A. Ford actually now include a 170 km and 220 km warranty on those models.

 

Q. What is the Ford owner's most ardent wish?

A. To buy a car.

 

Q. What do you call a Ford with a seat belt?

A. A rucksack.

 

Q. How do you make a Ford go faster downhill?

A. Turn off the engine.

 

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley?

A. A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

 

Q. What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads?

A. Max speed - 60 km/h - Fords do best you can.

 

Q. Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways?

A. So FORD owners have a safe place to walk home.

 

Q. Why does Ford make tractors and Opel not?

A. Because Opel can't get anything to run that slow.

 

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine?

A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

 

Q. Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed?

A. It improves the Chevy towe truck's fuel consumption.

 

Q. What is the aim of a Ford project car?

A. An attempt to keep their car running.

 

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

A. A tampon comes with it's own towe rope.

 

Q. how can they improve a Ford bakkie?

A. Put a Toyota engine in it.

 

Q. Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Fords?

A. So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

 

Q. How do you double the value of a Ford Icon?

A. Full the tank with petrol.

 

Q. What did the Toyota say to the Ford?

A. Would you like a towe home?

 

Q. What should the Ford Mustang really be called?

A. The Ford Rustang.

 

Q. Why is this country so far in debt?

A. Because the president drives a Ford.

 

Q. Why do they fit heated tail gates to luxury Ford bakkies?

A. To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.

 

Q. Why do the new FORD Explorers have larger bumpers?

A. To make it easier on the towe trucks.

 

Q. Why are FORD dealers giving away a dog with each FORD sold?

A. So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

 

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To push he's FORD F150 back into the dealer's show room.

 

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

A. Because he's F150 got stuck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FORD ACCRONYMS

First On Rubbish Dump

 

Fix Or Repair Daily

 

Fixed On Race Day

 

Factory Ordered Road Disasters

 

Found On Roadside Dead

 

Flip Over Read Directions

 

Ford Owners Recommend Daywoo

 

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

 

Ford Owner Really Dumb

 

For Only Retarded Drivers

 

Freaking Only Runs Downhill

 

Failure On Research & Development

 

Found On Road Deserted

 

Forget Out Running Danie

 

F.cked On Race Day

 

Four Old Rusted Doors

 

Freaking Old Rusted Datsin

 

"Backwards" - Don't Ride Over Fifty

 

"Backwards" - Driver Returns On Foot

 

"Backwards" - Dumb Retards Own Fords

 

"Backwards" - Dorks Ride On Fords

 

 

 

CHEVROLET ALL THE WAY BOYS. come out of the closet and join the best.

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Funny jokes, I read them all and yet still I couldn't believe how some people see Chevy and Ford. I hope they are just jokes, although there were indeed recalls of the F150 here in our country, the Ford is still one of the trusted one. Honda and Toyota had their own share of recalls too. Tonneau Cover

Edited by Mharklowel

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when a ford breaks, you know whats broke. when a chevy breaks, your screweddddd. own both, and thats the story.

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